A Minute

I looked pure evil right in the eye

But that was not the worse part of it.

The worst part was that I was in love with it.

I loved it, even though loving it was bad for me.

I loved it, even though it was the thing that hurt me the most.

I feel like my heart is being pushed into a black hole.

Where there was no gravity to pin me down.

Where the atmosphere’s pressure is too much to bare.

It closes its hold on my heart, crushing it hard.

I lost all memories of how to breathe.

In a place that’s not yet all the way there.

But at the same time it’s not even close to where, here used to be.

The time goes in slow motion.

That’s if there was time, where I’m at.

I lay in a place that’s nowhere to be found.

Looking around, I can’t see anything but black.

I realize that I’m looking, but I can’t really see.

Looking for the person underneath all that evil.

The person I love and have always cared about.

I was too busy looking for what I wanted to see.

That I ignored the picture that was right in front of me.

That the evil wasn’t the person I wanted them to be, or the person I thought they were.

But now I realize that loving the evil wasn’t healthy for me.

I’m left alone, I’m trying to think.

I’ve tried to hate the evil, because it was no good.

But I can’t let go of it.

I’m just in too much love of the image I built for it.

That I’m actually blinded with it.

Then all off a sudden it hits me. Hard.

What am I doing?

Why did I even bother?

This evil is not worth the pain.

Then I open my eyes to find myself in the park sitting on the bench, looking around. The sunset was a couple of hours ago. The sky was a dark gray. I smile realizing I didn’t go anywhere. I smile standing up.

Then I simply walked away..

The Karate Kid

I was watching the karate kid.

The movie got me laughing and tearing from the first five minutes.

I can’t begin to imagine being in a foreign country where not only do I not belong, but I don’t understand the language spoken and I can’t even find a place where I belong, where I fit in ..

The way Jaden was treated in the movie was cruel and intolerant, to be afraid and to always watch your back, to be aware of your surroundings to watch out for that one blow that will come and leave you gasping for air and immobile. Until you gather enough strength to get back on your feet and try to right, even though you know it’s a lost battle.

The beating Jaden took in the movie reminded me of life, except life doesn’t hit you physically. Well, not always. But then Jackie Chan came and defended Jaden.

Just like in life, some people are sometimes lucky and they have someone to defend them, help them through their battles or to prevent a battle, but if they couldn’t they would at least help get through the pain. But some battles have to be fought alone it’s nice to have someone to help.

That’s what we learn through living. We get up every day to get through it, for some people that’s fighting enough, to get through a day even though they’re hurting and they’re dying a little on the inside. For some waking up every day, getting hurt then weathering the pain to try to get up again on the next day to get through it, is the fight.

I’m not saying that all the days are bad, but everyone has their good and bad days.

The point is life will knock you down when you least expect it and just when you get through the pain, learn how to deal and get back up it hits you again, hard. You can learn to e smart and avoid the battles that are not worth fighting for, worth the trouble or simply worth the breath to argue.

So, you have to learn to choose your battles, the ones to fight and the ones to avoid. Most importantly learn from the battles you fight win or lose, because if you don’t learn anything from them hen what is the point?

Was all that pain and suffering worth it?

Were all the punches that knocked the breath out of us worth the agony?

I’ll tell you all that is worth nothing if you don’t learn from the fight.

You can get smart, learn how to go through a battle with the smallest amount of harm possible or learn Kung Fu like Jaden Smith did.

So, it all adds up that we’re always learning, in school, from relationships and most importantly from the pain and sorrow.

What’s the point of a battle won if you didn’t learn a lesson?

I love the end of the movie how even though Jaden’s leg was badly hurt he still chose to get up and continue fighting. Even for a lot of people that pain would be enough for them to stop fighting and give up.

PS: I wrote most of this before Jackie Chan says: life will knock us down, but we can choose withier or not to get back up.

-At first I never thought of watching the karate kid, not that’s too violent for me or something. I mean I used to watch WWE and still do occasionally.

It just never crossed my mind and I never really said hey I’ll put the Karate Kid on my-to-watch-movie -list, but it was an amazingly beautiful movie.

It had pain as much as it had happiness. It had childish acts, dancing, having fun and when it gave so much cruelty to some characters it gave stronger faith and a greater strength to others, a strength that wasn’t measured by height or fitness but by heart.

You should watch The Karate Kid

Boundaries

There are always boundaries, telling us we’re too young to fall in love or we’re too old to try to have fun.
Who said you can only have fun when you’re young?
Who said you can’t really fall in love when you’re young, because it’s foolish and not real.
I think those boundaries are the foolish thing, when is it ever wrong to fall in love when you’re a teenager or even think you are. If people did have these experiences they would have never learned anything at all and none of them would have matured and became who they are.
Those crushes, love affairs, heart breaks or break ups are the kind of experience that people learn from, learn from their mistakes and never fall in them again.
I’m not saying that I encourage love at teenage age, but what would a teenage experience be without a crush or naïve love. It just wouldn’t be teenage age.
The whole point of being a teenager is that we’re young and we’re always up for new things and new experiences.
We want to do everything and we think we know it all.
We think we know the world, we think we’re all that.
Even though we are merely one person, while there are millions all over the world. So, what makes one person any different than the next?
It’s what they do with their lives. I’m not saying don’t have fun, don’t do crazy things, don’t do things you wouldn’t normally do or don’t follow your heart.
Do have fun, do crazy things, do things you wouldn’t normally do and follow your heart.
But always know when to stop and take life seriously. Don’t always think that life is just a day by day; you wake up you meet your friends, you go to school go through a daily routine like a robot. No, do interesting things, care for something, be passionate about a hobby. Use your skills in your favor.
Study hard get to the college you want and change the world in a little way.
The only way you can, with your job, love what you do or do what you love.
Cherish what you have and don’t waste time thinking of what you could’ve had and lose sight of what’s right in front of your eyes.
Your family, your friends and everyone that pushed you forward or helped you become better or stronger by hurting on purpose or not.
The people that I’m most grateful for are the ones that hurt me the most, the ones that damaged a part of me and helped me become stronger than I was without even knowing it.
To those people I want to say; thank you for breaking my heart, hurting me, destroying my walls and taking me off guard.
You made me stronger and to that I’m grateful.
In order to learn you have to make mistakes, in order to heal you’ll have to hurt.
After a bad thing comes a good one.
When you get your heart broken, you get stronger and learn from the experience and the next time your heart won’t be broken. You’ll be smart enough to avoid it.
So, I say there are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries to creativity.
Think as big as you want, write fictions stories.
Paint huge colorful paintings or dark dreadful ones. If that’s what you want or how you feel.
Sing out loud the song that keeps playing in your head.
Write your own beautiful melodies, create your own music if that’s the thing you do.
Dye your hair blue and walk tall with it, if that’s the color you want to rock.
Dance until your muscles are sore, if that’s what makes you feel good, what makes you feel alive.
And most importantly there are no boundaries to love.
Who cares if you’re seventeen and you think you’re in love.
Who cares if it’s a forty year old woman who’s in love with a thirty year old man.
Who are we to judge others and tell them love is wrong or right.
Do we know what’s right and wrong?
Everyone knows what’s right for them, how do you know what’s best for everyone else?
I’m not saying fourteen year olds should go out, have boyfriends and fall in love.
They should live their lives have fun; they’re always rushing to the big stuff, acting older. While a lot of adult just simply wish they were younger.
The young kids act older, copying who they see around them or acting like someone they’re not.
People are a mystery, until now a lot of whom I know still make me wonder.
Some characters scare me, the ones that have no values at all, no plans, no priorities and no expectations. Nothing.
Some people get through their lives just to get through it, they have no interest in anything. Sure they go to school, they see their friends, and they hang out with them, study for their exams and sleep every night.
But they’re just going through life. Like travelers without a destination, but they’re still moving ahead not being able to enjoy the journey or even set a destination.
So, where are we from all this?
Do we want to leave a mark behind us? Or we want to die unremembered.
Or do we want to change the world a little when we can.
The worse thing is some people set boundaries for themselves, set standards for their actions, their emotions or their behaviors.
I say act how you want, cry, laugh, get angry and be who you are not who someone wants you to be.
My personal opinion, I want to write what I know and hope that I can help people by doing so.
I still have a lot to learn, but I think I’ve gone a long way from where I was.
The last two years have been the time when I grew up, matured and saw so many things differently.
I saw who was a true friend and who kept on only hurting me.
The funny part is a big part of my change was because someone who used to be my best friend hurt me bad.
But I’m grateful for her, if she hadn’t been who she is and had hurt me. I wouldn’t be where I am now.
& I think I’m in a very good place.
I still have a lot to learn, I’m not saying I know it all. I’m not saying I’m all grown up.
I still have so many mistakes to make, so many foolish acts that might seem right to me then and so many tears yet to be shed.
But then again I still have so many friendships to make and so much laughter to fill my days.
I’m just glad that out of all the places in the world I was born in Saudi Arabia, I grew up here, I had my first crush here, I made my first friend here, I got my heart broken for the first time and finally met my other family (My Classmates) and found my other home (Class 12-D).
Everything about this place brings me comfort, but now everything keeps reminding me that this was my temporary home all along.