A Minute

I looked pure evil right in the eye

But that was not the worse part of it.

The worst part was that I was in love with it.

I loved it, even though loving it was bad for me.

I loved it, even though it was the thing that hurt me the most.

I feel like my heart is being pushed into a black hole.

Where there was no gravity to pin me down.

Where the atmosphere’s pressure is too much to bare.

It closes its hold on my heart, crushing it hard.

I lost all memories of how to breathe.

In a place that’s not yet all the way there.

But at the same time it’s not even close to where, here used to be.

The time goes in slow motion.

That’s if there was time, where I’m at.

I lay in a place that’s nowhere to be found.

Looking around, I can’t see anything but black.

I realize that I’m looking, but I can’t really see.

Looking for the person underneath all that evil.

The person I love and have always cared about.

I was too busy looking for what I wanted to see.

That I ignored the picture that was right in front of me.

That the evil wasn’t the person I wanted them to be, or the person I thought they were.

But now I realize that loving the evil wasn’t healthy for me.

I’m left alone, I’m trying to think.

I’ve tried to hate the evil, because it was no good.

But I can’t let go of it.

I’m just in too much love of the image I built for it.

That I’m actually blinded with it.

Then all off a sudden it hits me. Hard.

What am I doing?

Why did I even bother?

This evil is not worth the pain.

Then I open my eyes to find myself in the park sitting on the bench, looking around. The sunset was a couple of hours ago. The sky was a dark gray. I smile realizing I didn’t go anywhere. I smile standing up.

Then I simply walked away..

The Karate Kid

I was watching the karate kid.

The movie got me laughing and tearing from the first five minutes.

I can’t begin to imagine being in a foreign country where not only do I not belong, but I don’t understand the language spoken and I can’t even find a place where I belong, where I fit in ..

The way Jaden was treated in the movie was cruel and intolerant, to be afraid and to always watch your back, to be aware of your surroundings to watch out for that one blow that will come and leave you gasping for air and immobile. Until you gather enough strength to get back on your feet and try to right, even though you know it’s a lost battle.

The beating Jaden took in the movie reminded me of life, except life doesn’t hit you physically. Well, not always. But then Jackie Chan came and defended Jaden.

Just like in life, some people are sometimes lucky and they have someone to defend them, help them through their battles or to prevent a battle, but if they couldn’t they would at least help get through the pain. But some battles have to be fought alone it’s nice to have someone to help.

That’s what we learn through living. We get up every day to get through it, for some people that’s fighting enough, to get through a day even though they’re hurting and they’re dying a little on the inside. For some waking up every day, getting hurt then weathering the pain to try to get up again on the next day to get through it, is the fight.

I’m not saying that all the days are bad, but everyone has their good and bad days.

The point is life will knock you down when you least expect it and just when you get through the pain, learn how to deal and get back up it hits you again, hard. You can learn to e smart and avoid the battles that are not worth fighting for, worth the trouble or simply worth the breath to argue.

So, you have to learn to choose your battles, the ones to fight and the ones to avoid. Most importantly learn from the battles you fight win or lose, because if you don’t learn anything from them hen what is the point?

Was all that pain and suffering worth it?

Were all the punches that knocked the breath out of us worth the agony?

I’ll tell you all that is worth nothing if you don’t learn from the fight.

You can get smart, learn how to go through a battle with the smallest amount of harm possible or learn Kung Fu like Jaden Smith did.

So, it all adds up that we’re always learning, in school, from relationships and most importantly from the pain and sorrow.

What’s the point of a battle won if you didn’t learn a lesson?

I love the end of the movie how even though Jaden’s leg was badly hurt he still chose to get up and continue fighting. Even for a lot of people that pain would be enough for them to stop fighting and give up.

PS: I wrote most of this before Jackie Chan says: life will knock us down, but we can choose withier or not to get back up.

-At first I never thought of watching the karate kid, not that’s too violent for me or something. I mean I used to watch WWE and still do occasionally.

It just never crossed my mind and I never really said hey I’ll put the Karate Kid on my-to-watch-movie -list, but it was an amazingly beautiful movie.

It had pain as much as it had happiness. It had childish acts, dancing, having fun and when it gave so much cruelty to some characters it gave stronger faith and a greater strength to others, a strength that wasn’t measured by height or fitness but by heart.

You should watch The Karate Kid

Boundaries

There are always boundaries, telling us we’re too young to fall in love or we’re too old to try to have fun.
Who said you can only have fun when you’re young?
Who said you can’t really fall in love when you’re young, because it’s foolish and not real.
I think those boundaries are the foolish thing, when is it ever wrong to fall in love when you’re a teenager or even think you are. If people did have these experiences they would have never learned anything at all and none of them would have matured and became who they are.
Those crushes, love affairs, heart breaks or break ups are the kind of experience that people learn from, learn from their mistakes and never fall in them again.
I’m not saying that I encourage love at teenage age, but what would a teenage experience be without a crush or naïve love. It just wouldn’t be teenage age.
The whole point of being a teenager is that we’re young and we’re always up for new things and new experiences.
We want to do everything and we think we know it all.
We think we know the world, we think we’re all that.
Even though we are merely one person, while there are millions all over the world. So, what makes one person any different than the next?
It’s what they do with their lives. I’m not saying don’t have fun, don’t do crazy things, don’t do things you wouldn’t normally do or don’t follow your heart.
Do have fun, do crazy things, do things you wouldn’t normally do and follow your heart.
But always know when to stop and take life seriously. Don’t always think that life is just a day by day; you wake up you meet your friends, you go to school go through a daily routine like a robot. No, do interesting things, care for something, be passionate about a hobby. Use your skills in your favor.
Study hard get to the college you want and change the world in a little way.
The only way you can, with your job, love what you do or do what you love.
Cherish what you have and don’t waste time thinking of what you could’ve had and lose sight of what’s right in front of your eyes.
Your family, your friends and everyone that pushed you forward or helped you become better or stronger by hurting on purpose or not.
The people that I’m most grateful for are the ones that hurt me the most, the ones that damaged a part of me and helped me become stronger than I was without even knowing it.
To those people I want to say; thank you for breaking my heart, hurting me, destroying my walls and taking me off guard.
You made me stronger and to that I’m grateful.
In order to learn you have to make mistakes, in order to heal you’ll have to hurt.
After a bad thing comes a good one.
When you get your heart broken, you get stronger and learn from the experience and the next time your heart won’t be broken. You’ll be smart enough to avoid it.
So, I say there are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries to creativity.
Think as big as you want, write fictions stories.
Paint huge colorful paintings or dark dreadful ones. If that’s what you want or how you feel.
Sing out loud the song that keeps playing in your head.
Write your own beautiful melodies, create your own music if that’s the thing you do.
Dye your hair blue and walk tall with it, if that’s the color you want to rock.
Dance until your muscles are sore, if that’s what makes you feel good, what makes you feel alive.
And most importantly there are no boundaries to love.
Who cares if you’re seventeen and you think you’re in love.
Who cares if it’s a forty year old woman who’s in love with a thirty year old man.
Who are we to judge others and tell them love is wrong or right.
Do we know what’s right and wrong?
Everyone knows what’s right for them, how do you know what’s best for everyone else?
I’m not saying fourteen year olds should go out, have boyfriends and fall in love.
They should live their lives have fun; they’re always rushing to the big stuff, acting older. While a lot of adult just simply wish they were younger.
The young kids act older, copying who they see around them or acting like someone they’re not.
People are a mystery, until now a lot of whom I know still make me wonder.
Some characters scare me, the ones that have no values at all, no plans, no priorities and no expectations. Nothing.
Some people get through their lives just to get through it, they have no interest in anything. Sure they go to school, they see their friends, and they hang out with them, study for their exams and sleep every night.
But they’re just going through life. Like travelers without a destination, but they’re still moving ahead not being able to enjoy the journey or even set a destination.
So, where are we from all this?
Do we want to leave a mark behind us? Or we want to die unremembered.
Or do we want to change the world a little when we can.
The worse thing is some people set boundaries for themselves, set standards for their actions, their emotions or their behaviors.
I say act how you want, cry, laugh, get angry and be who you are not who someone wants you to be.
My personal opinion, I want to write what I know and hope that I can help people by doing so.
I still have a lot to learn, but I think I’ve gone a long way from where I was.
The last two years have been the time when I grew up, matured and saw so many things differently.
I saw who was a true friend and who kept on only hurting me.
The funny part is a big part of my change was because someone who used to be my best friend hurt me bad.
But I’m grateful for her, if she hadn’t been who she is and had hurt me. I wouldn’t be where I am now.
& I think I’m in a very good place.
I still have a lot to learn, I’m not saying I know it all. I’m not saying I’m all grown up.
I still have so many mistakes to make, so many foolish acts that might seem right to me then and so many tears yet to be shed.
But then again I still have so many friendships to make and so much laughter to fill my days.
I’m just glad that out of all the places in the world I was born in Saudi Arabia, I grew up here, I had my first crush here, I made my first friend here, I got my heart broken for the first time and finally met my other family (My Classmates) and found my other home (Class 12-D).
Everything about this place brings me comfort, but now everything keeps reminding me that this was my temporary home all along.

Life Is A Highway

I like to say life is a highway...

Not just as a random comparison, but as a very close one.

You see we go through life and sometimes we come across a crossroad, where we would have to make a decision which way to go, sometimes they’re very easy decisions to make and sometimes they’re a life or death situation and it’s a long way between both .

The point is some of those decisions can be made blindly, based on what’s best for you, what’s the right thing to do or simply what you choose to do at that moment and it might not matter, because it was a small thing along your way.

Some people may think others have it easy, but it’s never true. Every single one of us makes a decision small like choosing what to eat for breakfast, it won’t matter wither you eat a sandwich or eggs. Or big like what major should they go to in college or who’s the person to befriend or who’s the right person to marry.

Some of us are confident and independent enough to make all these choices for themselves and never have any doubts or second guesses, I admire those people.

And some find it hard to make the easiest decisions like what to buy from the mini-mart candy or chips or should I get both? Or what color should I get my prom dress red or black?

There are so many decisions to make in life and those decisions are like crossroads, because once you choose a way you can’t take it back. You’ll have to put up with the consequences of your actions, your choices. We make decisions every day, but we don’t really feel it because some of them are merely simple and unimportant.

But eventually we have to be faced by a hard one. A crossroad that’s not easy to get past or get around, one where we’ll have to make a choice which way to go right or left.

Some people could find it easy to choose which way to go right or simply left and that takes courage and confident, to be sure of what you want and always working your way to it.

Some people give up trying to choose and just stop right there in front of the crossroad, thinking of ways around it when there simply isn’t. They spend so much time in front of it that they lose so many things they could have had if they simply chose good or bad consequences, which would be much better than just being stuck halfway.

And some unfortunate ones could stop at a crossroad, turn around and simply walk away, but they would go back right where they started and then they would have to go through it all over again.

And some are like me who their roads came across other peoples. Amazing, inspiring people who helped me choose my path they didn’t tell me which way to go right or left, they just had to be there for me and that’s what they did. They were there for me when I most needed them, when I fell they would help me rise back up, when I wanted to surrender they pushed me forward and I know that our roads are meant to go separately someday and that someday would be a very painful day. To say goodbye to all those friends and people you’ve loved and always will, to start your own path and work for your future.

We all know we were meant to say goodbye, but it never makes it any easier. It’s always hard and painful, but then you’ll go to new places your road will come across other people that could be your friends, your family or even your future.

Who knows? No one has an answer to life, we all just live through it hoping to make the best of it, to do the right thing or to make the perfect decision.

But most importantly is the destination is never the point, it’s always the journey.

Did you enjoy being a teenager? Or did you go through it waiting to grow up?

Did you roll your windows down to feel the breeze along your way? Or did you sit tightly waiting to arrive at the new destination?

The journey is what matters, all those people you came across, all those people you had arguments with, all the people that proved some your theories wrong, all those who tried to help you with every possible way, all that loved even if it was just teenage, crazy acts, all those who acted crazy with you, all those who made you laugh, all those who broke your heart, all those that stood against you, all those who fought your ways, all those who judged you, all those who pushed you down, all those who pulled you back up and all those who will make you cry when it’s time to say goodbye.

My only consolations is that I met so many great people along my way, my classmates, my teachers, my Danah friends, my neighbors & everyone else I’ve come across.

Those friendships, heart breaks, sadness, sorrows, happiness, joy, laughter, tears are all the things that shaped me and helped me become who I am. My destination was set for me the day I was brought to life, but my journey is what I make of it.

And I’m happy to say that my journey so far has been overwhelming, exciting, frightening and worth fighting everyday for.

I’m blessed to have such a loving family, to have such amazing and inspiring friends. Friends that I’ll always remember as long as I live, not just because they were my friends, but because I have a small part of each and every one of them in me. Those small parts have become a part of who I am, who I’m meant to be.

Graduation Speech ..

Three years ago when we first came to high school, we were all raw, untamed, tangled materials, there was potential in all of us ..

Now we stand before all of you as young sophisticated women that finished 12 years of studies and we still have a lot to learn. Whoever said this is the end of learning was wrong, because you never stop learning, life is about learning, no matter how the information comes, in school, collage, in a form of a conversation with a friend. We’re always learning things if not in subjects in school, or in a major in college, the in life.

The most valuable knowledge if you ask me is not just what’s on the books, or on our notebooks it’s the things we’ve learned about life in these three years.

The friendships we made and we know that if they didn’t last long after the school grounds, when every girl will go on her own way. Those friendships will last in each of our lives, because these friendships we made helped us become who we are. You might not know it, but every single friend you made left an effect on you that will last your life ..

Our mothers that have always been very, very patient with us and never gave up on helping us become better. That never gave up hope on us. That love us no matter how imperfect we were and always believing in us. Thank you ..

The Amazing inspiring teachers, that didn’t only teach us the knowledge written on the books, but helped us along the way. They were like our second mothers that pick us up when we stumble and guide us along the way.

I remember my first English class in 10^th grade, I remember how the idea of being in high school excited me, how my English teacher inspired me and made me want to reach my potentials, how she said anyone can do great things, now that you were in high school it meant, you can make a difference. We can change the world, maybe in small ways, but it’s a start.

I Mean Three years ago, who would have known we’d go that far.

Who knew we were going to be who we are right now?

This is not the end, this is only the beginning of something new, exciting and sometimes scary, but the point is we’ve been through all these years and I would say we’ve all done pretty well, the point isn’t if we’re ready to face these new challenges or not, the point is it’s time to set our training wheels aside and walk our own way.

Create our path, set our standers and have faith in ourselves.

I’m grateful that my path in the last three years came across such influential, exquisite characters, which are one of the many reasons that helped me get to where I am, helped me become who I’m supposed to be.

Finally that we are going to part soon. I can’t think of the perfect words to say.

I wish I can write the most amazing poem to show my gratitude and love to you all.

To tell you how much I will miss having all of you in my life.

The things I’m feeling right now can’t be phrased in word or written down on paper, it’s all overwhelming.

I only wish the best for all of you.

To the senior class of 2011; we made it, we’ve graduated high school. We’ve gone this far, I know each one of you will do something great in the future, because you’re all gifted, intelligent and talented girls.

Who knows what will happen in the future?

Who knows where will be in 10 years?

So, live everyday like it’s your last day, make the best of everything.

And when you stumble or fall down, get back on your feet and never lose hope, because god never lost hope in us.

Like Shakespeare Said: Do not be afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

So go Graduates of 2011 go and achieve greatness .

Live Your Life ..

I look up to the sky; it’s a light shade of blue.

Thinking about what I did with my life.

If I die now, will I be remembered?

Did I leave a mark behind me?

Sure, I’ll be remembered by my loved ones.

But did my existence make a difference in the world.

Did I offer a hand to pull up a fallen?

Did I help who needed me the most?

Was I there when my friends wanted me?

Was there anything that I could have done better?

Can I ever turn the clock around?

No. I wouldn’t change a thing, all the mistakes I made, are a big reason to who I am now.

Those mistakes people spend more time on regretting than learning from, are what guides me.

You make a mistake, you learn from it. Don’t regret.

Believe me if time was reversed you’d still do the same mistake, because at the same situation, you’d still be you and you’d act the same.

So who are we to judge others when we make our own mistake?

We’re all humans, making mistakes, or acting on impulse is one of the things we do.

What matters is what we do with what we learn from our mistakes.

Do we try to not make the same mistakes again and be grateful for the lesson?

Or do we regret what we’ve done and spend most time regretting and standing at the same spot, where we were years ago.

Or be too stupid or too reckless to make the same mistakes all over again.

We choose what to do with what we’re given.

Life doesn’t always come in happy joyful packages.

Sometimes you have to get through the bad times to find the happy ones.

There’s always so much laughter, as much as there are tears.

There’s happiness, love & laughter.

There’s sadness, hate & tears.

There are friends, just like there are enemies.

So, what do we do?

Am I ready to leave this world behind?

Of course not.

There are still so many things to learn.

So many mistakes to make.

So many things to try.

So many words to say.

So many people to meet.

So many goals to achieve.

Get your heart broken, bend it and look for love again.

Always do what you’re most passionate about.

Live your life as if today is your last day on this earth.

Believe in miracles.

Looking up to the sky, rain drops falling on my face.

It’s raining on a hot summer day. I smile.What are the odds?

I spin around laughing under the rain.It’s amazing how refreshing the rain can be.The rain fell washing all my sadness and sorrows away.

All I can think of, is it’s raining on a hot summer day.

So, I do believe in miracles.